Past and Present

These days, I find myself reminiscing a lot about my teenage years. Perhaps its the isolation and the time I'm forced to spend with myself - and so my brain is finding new (old) memories to keep me occupied. Or perhaps, it's just me, almost on the verge of the big THREE O (still a couple of years left, folks!) - that I find myself wondering - how am I now living in the same city I wanted so hard to get away from? 

I moved back to this city - perhaps it would be apt to call it a hometown since it definitely feels like that - a few months ago. The last time I was living here was as a 14-15-year-old awkward teen - and barring some occasional visits to meet relatives after that; I genuinely believed I was out of this city forever; given that my parents weren't living here either. 

Well, my parents decided to move back to their own house, their home recently - thanks to my father's retirement last year. It's not as if I didn't see it coming - but I had assumed (quite arrogantly, may I add) that I'd have found a way out of my parents' house by the time that (shudder!) happened. 

Ah, well, as you may have guessed, that didn't happen.  To the long list of  'Reasons Why That Didn't Happen', I can maybe add the "This Great Year - 2020" (and beyond?) to the list. And so, I'm back in this city - to my hometown. 

This may seem strange, but for the first time in my life, I am comfortable calling a city my hometown. All my life, I have moved to multiple cities, to more houses than I can count, to various schools, even to a different country for a brief stint - and I never knew which one felt most like home. Everywhere felt like one and nothing felt like one.  

Now that I'm back in this city, I think I finally understand the meaning of 'hometown'. It's where I grew up, where I spent a part of my teenage. Where I made my first friends, had my first crush, had the first taste of independence. It's a place where I still have people I know from 15 years ago, where I have memories from the earliest years of my life. It's a place where I don't know the routes anymore because of all the 'development' - but I can still find my way. It's a place where an insignificant wall graffiti/advertisement about 'Bookland'  - a stationary shop - takes me back to my primary school; where this would be the urgent late-night destination because I would have forgotten that I needed a protractor/map/drawing book in school the next day. It's a place where the neighborhood grocery store still has the same name (and perhaps, even the board) - and if I look hard enough, perhaps, it's the same 'uncle' manning the shop. 

This city is familiar, and after a long time in my life, I don't feel afraid to come back to the familiar. I have been one always trying to run away from familiarity - didn't like staying in one place too long lest the neighborhood shopkeeper starts recognizing me as a 'local'. I've liked the anonymity when I've stayed in places for a short period of time - no one knew me, therefore I could be a new me to everyone. 

But here, the semblance of the past is heartwarming. I pass my old school(s) - and I remember the friends I made, the friends I wish I'd made, the people who I just thought of as 'classmates' but would love to run into them again. And I wonder about them, about myself - what were we when we were 15, what dreams and aspirations did we have? Did we fulfill that? Are some on the path to achieving that? Have some found new paths? Have some given up on dreams altogether? 

I haven't kept in touch with a lot of people from my high school - in my quest to run away from everything 'familiar'; I stopped keeping in touch with people who I once spent my days with. I always wanted to run forward to bigger, better, greater things - old people and places had no place in my plans. Ironical now, that I'm back in this old city and wanting a reunion with those old friends. 

I miss my 15-year-old self. She was hopeful, and aspirational, and dreamy. She was not cynical, she was unencumbered, she always pushed herself to become a better version of herself. She believed in the goodness of people and in the fairness of the world. Some may call that naive now, but I think, that's the way to truly be happy - without letting your experiences rob you of your positive outlook of the world. 

Being back in my hometown, and living here, as an adult is a bitter-sweet experience. I feel grounded with the familiarity, yet that itch to run away to 'something bigger' is still there. And perhaps, one day I will move away again - but this time, I will not be afraid to come back - because, this, after all, is home, in the truest sense of the word. 

PS. 'This City' is Noida - and having spent the better part of the past 10-12 years in Delhi, I never expected to feel such ... but how life changes and surprises you! 

Unexpected Experiences

The first time I heard about the country, Taiwan, I was an ignorant teen who didn't have much knowledge of the world or its affairs. So, when a friend told me that he was going to this country for a semester exchange program, my first thought was, 'but where is this, and why wouldn't you go to a western 'developed' country for an exchange program!'

The same friend when he came back after the exchange, proclaimed that it was his favorite country in the world (after our own, of course) - and this is a view he continues to hold to this day. This made me intrigued, and perhaps that was what made me curious and sowed the seeds in me about wanting to visit this country someday.

I love being by myself, so when somehow circumstances came together to give me an opportunity to travel alone to Taiwan, of course, I took it up! And while I do not have a 'how a solo trip changed my life' story; it did give me a lot of insights about myself that I never thought was true. This visit was somewhat of a 'dream come true'; something I never thought would happen to me ; yet sometimes life surprises you in the nicest ways.

I am always concerned with identities, especially about my own. Over the past few years, I have made a lot of effort to understand and discover myself; and have been taking pride in the fact that I have managed to understand myself a fair bit. I am now in my late 20s, and I had thought that whatever I had thought and believed about myself was true and based on a fair bit of evidence, and also, somewhat permanent. It was exactly this assumption that was challenged while I was traveling by myself.

But first, about Taiwan! I had high expectations, which were rightly fulfilled. It helped that I already knew a local there - an old friend from university - and in large parts, it was her and her family's welcome and hospitality which made me love the country so much!

From the minute I landed, I never felt lost - mostly because the country is extremely welcoming to foreigners. As a female traveling alone, I am conditioned into not trusting anyone, but I felt my fears going away as I made my way through the airport, trying to find the right ways to reach the capital city. The warmth and the help given by everyone there threw me off for a bit at first - what is the motive behind that!, I found myself wondering the entire first day. After spending 5 days in the country, however, I realized that there isn't always an ulterior motive if people are helpful and nice, and that, the world is perhaps nicer than we like to admit. I have never felt more welcomed in a country like I did in Taiwan. If India believes in "Atithi Devo Bhava"; I am sure Taiwan has their version of it as well! (And perhaps other Asian countries; which I haven't had opportunities to visit)

My friend and her family were perhaps the epitome of the hospitable nature of the country. I was in Taiwan during the Chinese New Year - a time typically reserved for the family - but they not only welcomed me but included me in all their local traditions; as if I am someone they have known forever. So there I was, participating in their local Tao temple tradition for good luck, playing a traditional Chinese gambling game (beginners luck; I won, but while we were playing without any money!), learning to eat with chopsticks, and meeting extended friends and family of my host friend - who treated me like their own too! Despite not knowing the language, never once did I feel out of place. The entire time with my friend and host, I felt as though I was back home, with a close friend, but of course with a massive language barrier! :)

Taiwan is a beautiful, modern, culturally rich country.  It seems like a country which is unapologetic and so comfortable in its own skin, that it is hard not to fall in love with it.  I felt that, it was Asian enough to feel like home, yet developed enough to feel like 'foreign' - a term we in India tend to often associate with the developed countries of the west. While there, I often wondered why is it not a more sought after holiday destination - it is close to India and it is relatively cheap - but perhaps it is our collective ignorance about the rest of Asia that prevents us from thinking of it as a mainstream holiday! I'd definitely love to visit the country again, because while 5 days gave me enough time to soak in the culture; yet there are parts of the country I couldn't visit, something which I hope to do in the future.

The experience of traveling alone gives you confidence, yes, but for me, it was also about getting to know myself outside of the context of a familiar setting.  I realized that I have always seen myself in the context of what my family, society, and culture expects me to be; and it is fair - because it is exactly that which has molded me. And yet; outside of everything familiar, it was as if a new side of me was able to express herself; one who didn't feel constrained by what she is 'supposed to be'; rather, was just able to, be.
Perhaps it wasn't the country, perhaps it was just the experience, one may argue. But the warmth and the safety I felt from people there was definitely unmatched, in my experience so far.

It was a country which made me feel safe and liberated and more like myself - well, what's not to love!

Was it magic?

 

There was once a girl and her dog

One loved food, the other loved frogs...

It so happened one fine summer’s day,

When the sun was blazing away;

The girl and her dog were home alone

And the heat had gotten to them both.

 The poor girl sat in her room, trying to study;

While the dog was roaming about, “probably being grumpy!”

She decided to find the dog, and see if he needed water

“Surely, the heat for him must be a bigger bother!”

Lo and behold, what should she find:  

The dog in the other room, sleeping like a child! 

The AC was switched on, and the room was cool

She was shocked, and felt like a fool!

“Is there someone else in the house, waiting to attack?

(The dog could have been courteous, and invited me perhaps)

After all, who else could have switched on the air conditioner?

Surely a dog is not capable of this endeavor…”

Yet nobody else in the house she could find,

Was it the dog or was it some power divine? 

It was a mystery, and it remains so till this day,

Who did it, nobody could say!

There was once a girl and her dog,

And one was smart, the other was not …

Is he the culprit? ....I don't think so either! 

This may or may not have been inspired by real life events, that depends on who you are deciding was the smart one... 

PS: The above poem is dedicated to Tom, who is the cutest and the best (also the worst) dog ever! 

Dissertation : Work in Progress (?)

With just a few days left to submit my (atleast) 15,000 words dissertation; I am (but, of course) stressed... because as always, I have been waiting until the last minute to actually  start my work. (though I have been giving my supervisor the impression that I have been putting in all hours of my life in this project...Or so I hope?) With the deadline fast approaching and my work (very) slowly progressing, it is a miracle how have I not hit the panic button yet.
For the people who may be even mildly interested in what is my research topic, I shall enlighten you today. For those who are not.. well then, you must still read, because , honestly, you also know you are just procrastinating from your work when you came across this blog, why not spend a few minutes and know what is it about?
(For those who are actually not  procrastinating, my apologies, you may now continue to your work; because the following might not be terribly important for you anyway...)

So I shall try to put down this journey of my  research project (so far) as succinctly as possible.

 (Just a random thought : I have a tendency to be the most creative when I have overwhelming amounts of work.. case in point: the post I wrote during exams! Wasn't that the best piece of writing you ever read or what!

OK. You don't need to tell me you don't agree with that.
 Because it was indeed the best piece of writing humankind has ever witnessed in the history of the world!

Just a slight exaggeration. Never mind, because , "Within every elaborate lie lies a kernel of truth.." ~Someone

Yes I just googled it to put in the blog to make it seem like I can fit in quotes whenever I like 'cos ofcourse I am well read and I remember every quote of every book I have ever read and I can put in a quote anywhere and everywhere just to make it sound like I am so smart.

and that  is how you increase the word-count ,people!

Sorry, this has been one huge bracket comment. I tend to deviate!)

So, yes, to the serious matter of my thesis so far.

Once upon a time there was a young woman who was very much passionate about doing something worthwhile in her life. (Apparently writing a blog twice a year does not count! I know I was shocked to learn that too..!) Anyway, she had no idea how to proceed to do the same. It must have been destiny then, that she enrolled in a graduate program in social statistics, one that demanded her to do an engaging project at the end.

It was a summer's evening in late April when the class was told they need to start thinking about their thesis and potential topics, and start meeting potential supervisors to discuss the validity of their project. Naturally, everyone was thrown off track and were infuriated at this bit of information.  "Don't they know that we have approximately a million deadlines and exams coming up in less than a month? They actually expect us to think?"
But the world doesn't work our way, because even though they had a million deadlines, they had also been given a million years to do it. (They must be really lazy students to not work until the last minute...)

Anyhow, this young woman was also perturbed. She hadn't even started thinking about her dissertation, and now she was suddenly expected to meet professors and discuss her research goals with them; there just wasn't enough time for everything!

However, there is the Law of Productivity ( which I firmly believe in, and it is not at all made up) which states : "The level of productivity of a person shall be constant (and low) ; unless and until the amount of time left to complete the said work approaches zero, after which the productivity increases exponentially"
In other words, productivity is inversely proportional to time.

Which means that, even though the young woman knew there was no time, she wasn't aware of the law of productivity, and she did manage to meet her deadlines and study for exams and think up of her research topic. ( with a little help from her friends...)

And thus, she finished her exams, submitted all the assignments by the deadlines, and sat down to work for her project.

Or she thought she did.

You see, she pretended to work, because let's be honest, she had no clue what she was supposed to be doing in the research project. She had never done anything like that ever before. It was too daunting a task...and there was so much time! She would figure it out..
So, after a lot of pretend-work (and also a bit of actual work) she eventually convinced herself that she had been working very, very hard. (and I agree. Pretend-work isn't easy you know. All that pretension! It's tiring!)  Her belief spread to the extent that when there was little time left , she thought - "Oh, I have been working so hard the past few months, I really deserve a break!"


Which is how this post came into existence.






Notes:
1. Sorry for the shameless bit of advertising there ! But, that's how promotions work don't they?
2. The above story is a complete fictional account, believe me. (Ofcourse I don't pretend-work!)
3. For someone actually interested, my thesis is titled : "Determinants of child health in the context of gender inequality : A study in rural Haryana and Kerela "

(This is a working title. And please don't ask me further questions about it since I happen to know not a lot.)

Exam Time is here again!

Here I am, updating this blog after months again..(In my defence, I have been busy with assignments, courseworks and exams.... Ah, the 'perks' of being a Masters Student) and while my exams are still going on I decide to procrastinate, and what better way to do this by writing!( because of course, updating my blog is waaay more important than trying to think about the Bayesian Statistics exam I have in a day.) 

While trying to think of an interesting anecdote I can write about, I draw a blank. Is there absolutely nothing worth sharing or writing about? 

I could write about the recently concluded Indian Elections; but I do not want to inadvertently take sides and then end up in debates over the internet. After all, defending your stance is not an easy job! 

(Although I would love to write something about our Congress Vice President,  the 'prince' of India,  how must he be feeling after seeing the party suffer its worst defeat ever? Going by his expressions on the Result Day, however, I do not think he even realized that the Congress has lost by that big a margin) 

Yes! Stalling the readers for a few minutes has worked, because now I am about to share with you something no one would have ever before. Something that will, believe me, will change your life ..

And now, imagine some drum rolls please, if you will...

Life as a student at a British University

No,  this isn't my University. Wish it was though!

What? Do I hear you thinking that this is not at all something that has never been shared with you before? That there are countless blogs/articles/video blogs/pictures (did I miss out anything?) with the exact same title, and all of which you have read/seen and you might as well consider yourself to be an expert on the subject. 

(In case you do not fall in the category above, well , good for me!) 

However, dear readers, please bear with me, because my experiences as a student at a British University are definitely not something you must have read about before. 

First, for those who don't know me, (because I like to believe that there are many people who don't know me, reading my blog) a brief introduction . Formally, I am a Statistics student (yes I love data, no I do not know how that data can affect your life decisions) studying at the University of Southampton, UK. I have completed a Bachelor's in Mathematics from the University of Delhi in India... but these things do not define me. I am a person who loves writing, loves reading, loves eating (but hates cooking!). Some find me friendly, some find me reserved, and I agree I am both...

In short, I am just like any other person, trying to find her way in this world.. 

Life as a student at a British University is everything I imagined it would be, and more. I thought the professors here would be very knowledgeable, very enthusiastic, very keen. Turns out, that's something you can't generalize. There are all sorts of people everywhere, and I have some amazing professors here, but there are some who could care less about the students and the modules. As a student you are expected to be very independent and have the ability to work things out on your own. This came as  a rude shock to me, because , well , in India we had always been offered things on a platter. ('We're spoon-feeding you!' was something my professors always said, and then still  continued to do that.) However, studies are less rigorous here than expected (which is not to say that I am not completely swamped with work!) You are not expected to memorise things, just understand and apply the concepts. Again, this was a rude shock to the Delhi University graduate who is writing this, as in her undergraduate days she only understood and applied concepts that were 'important' (which translates as: This is definitely coming in the exam, just learn this bit and you are good to go) 

The universities are very hi-tech here, and essentially all work you do is on a computer. Now while this is very convenient, it also has some major disadvantages. There are so many options to procrastinate when you are studying on your computer! (Case in point: now) There are just so many times a student will resist the temptations before thinking 'oh, facebook for just 5 minutes, before I continue my work in the other window' , or , 'I can chat with friends on facebook, watch a football match , read the news, and study at the same time! Of course I can!'; and since all of these options are now on the computer, there is no shame associated with not studying, because, after all, you have your work/study notes open in the other window. Of course I'm studying, how dare you suggest otherwise!

One thing that I have realized here is how community driven our society is. All Indians I have met here are very helpful and friendly, and there is a sense of belonging when we're all together; and I believe it is the same with students from other communities. While it is true that people can relate more to people from their own country/region, I never imagined I would make more Indian friends in the UK than I ever did in India.. (yes, that's only partly true; but I am a statistician..I can manipulate numbers to prove my statements!)

 The University Interchange. I spend a lot of time waiting for buses here

Oh and how can I not talk about food. I don't think this has anything to do with being in a British University though, I think it must be universally true. Everything is either too expensive, too unsuited to my tastes.. or sometimes just too raw.(Imagine, having to cook your own food! The horror! ) There come times when you have some benevolent friends who sometimes cook for you; and then you can't thank god enough for sending them into your life. 

Then there are times when you learn to get by with whatever limited cooking abilities you have, and find comfort in your own cooked food. I have never felt more accomplished than when I managed to successfully make a proper meal for myself; which just makes me feel I can do anything and everything if I can cook. Bring it on! I am ready! 

To see the good side of things, there are often some really ground breaking researches going on in the university which inspire feelings of awe; and if you're lucky, one of your professors might be the ones doing such awe-striking work. Seeing such inspiring people in close quarters makes you humble and grateful for having such opportunities. The options provided for learning are immense! I have met such a plethora of people , and I have learnt so much about the world. I now know little things such as everyday cultures and traditions that can probably be never learnt through any amount of reading. Sometimes you just need to experience things, because no piece of writing can ever truly justify the experiences of a lifetime!

(I realize this didn’t really change your life. I can't believe you believed that....) 

My (Rainy) Days in England..

Today is a sunny day (amidst days of storm and incessant rain) and this rare event encouraged me to write this blog that I have been procrastinating about..

A rare sunny day..and yes, that's my shadow! 

I have completed almost 5 months in the UK. It seems like a long time, but honestly, it seems to have flown away. Studying for a Masters is not an easy task, as I  have realized. Living alone in a new country just adds to the challenge. However this is not to say I am not loving it! Every day is a new experience, and I continue to be overwhelmed on a daily basis. Southampton is a beautiful, historic, student friendly city, different from New Delhi in every way. It is an unfamiliar territory, and yet I feel safer here than I ever did back home. Things seem easy and convenient here. Having friends from all over the world make me aware of my own ignorance about their cultures, ashamedly so. Meeting new people also gives me new insights into what they think about India, and I love to enlighten them about the wonderful land that is India. Bollywood movies and songs seem to be something that are universally loved, maybe because of the colours or the music, or just the energetic dance moves that accompany these songs!

There are  many different things that can be said about the British food (Tea and Scones,  fish and chips)  British mannerisms (Please, I'm sorry; thank you!) or about the weather (' It's raining!' 'Well what do you expect, its England!'); but the thing which is most interesting to me is how genuinely cheerful and friendly the people seem, and you can strike up a wonderful conversation with anyone just by talking about the weather. That seems to be the common topic, over which you can talk for hours, making a new friend in the process. (and if you can master the British sarcasm.. well then, you shall fit in perfectly here)

Oh! How can I forget the English accent , that's loved universally, and which reminds me of the Harry Potter movies, and of childhood when I was so desperate to speak 'like them'. Sadly though, I have yet not mastered it, although I hope to before I leave this country.

United Kingdom has been the mystical land where all my favourite characters from Enid Blyton's imagination lived. It was the place of boarding schools, of prim and proper school children,the land of Hogwarts, of Sherlock Holmes. Home of the Queen, home to the oldest universities in the English speaking world. It was the place from where Titanic left for its maiden voyage (interestingly, the port was Southampton). It is home to some of my favourite authors. It  is a place I had always wanted to visit, and now studying here is like a dream come true.

The clouds gathering in... 

And as expected, the sun has hidden amongst the clouds, and the sky is grey once again..

A Silver lining in the Darkness...

My Blackberry had been trying to get my attention with its blinking red LED before it finally went out of power. "There goes my connection to the world!", I remember thinking; and indeed it was true! Without a computer or any sort of internet connection, the phone was my gateway to the world, and suddenly I felt all alone.
No, this isn't something I experienced while travelling through the high reaches of the Himalayas or through the deserts of Sahara. This was experienced in the comfort of my house in the capital of India, when a power grid failure left almost 18 states powerless for about 20 hours in 2 days. Power backups last only so long before they also die out, and for busy professionals (or for pseudo busy student like me!) the hours without power seem daunting!Technology has seeped in so deeply with our lives that we realize its importance only when we do not get access to it. Seemingly easy works became a huge task for me without power and without any gadgets to use; and thus began a series of many "firsts" for me.

For the first time in a very long time, I could see nature in its purest form (or as pure as it can get in polluted Delhi!) The chirping of the birds combined with the gentle drip drop of the rain, produce a music so peaceful that I couldn't help but wonder why hadn't I ever noticed it before. Without the computer,internet or a TV for entertainment, I got once again carried into the charm of reading books, and not the e-books, the actual, paperback versions of novels I loved. The yellowed old pages seemed so familiar and welcoming, like home. As I sat down to write this article on a piece of paper; my fingers missed the strokes on the keyboard and I half expected the red wriggly line to appear every time I wrote a word whose spelling I wasn't too sure of.....yes that is an alarming (or maybe comical?) situation, I realize that!
With all that, this was the first time in months I got to spend some time with only myself for company, and it wasn't so bad! True, power failures like these cause a great inconvenience and chaos in general, but they also give an opportunity for people to spend some "me" time. So, maybe, it isn't all bad !


  

Twelve days of...Driving!

Every day, as I wake up early and go sleepily to learn driving, one phrase comes in my mind every day, invariably– courtesy the advertisement for Ceat tyres- “the streets are filled with idiots!”. The ad very rightly shows cars having to stop suddenly when a person comes on the road from apparently nowhere; and the vehicle having Ceat tyres, is able to stop suddenly within inches of the ‘idiot’ and prevents the accident from happening. And indeed, this is true! The streets of Delhi are undoubtedly filed with idiots. And no, my “almost sleepy” state has nothing to do with this, for once behind the wheel, I am quite wide awake!

First of all, there seems to be an unspoken rule of “mode of transport, no bar” on the so called ‘main roads’. So, from cars to buses to autorickshaws to two wheelers- you name it, it’ll be there! Half of the roads are blocked by the parked cars nearby the residential areas. And then there are the fruit sellers with their carts, all on the same road. Now all of this wouldn’t be a problem if people were intelligent enough to move in their lanes , and save everybody the trouble. No, the autorickshaws have to move on the right side, obviously very slow ,and the buses will suddenly in sweep from the right  to stop at a bus stop on the left, when you are purposefully driving on the left side to stay out of trouble. That’s not all, while the bus comes and you are suddenly forced to brake, there will be children/ women/women with children who will glare at you for the narrow escape they had! But aren’t they supposed to follow the “look left, look right, look left again, then cross the road” rule? Or  is that rule not applicable anymore?  And as though this is not enough, the drivers of two wheelers think that they own the road just because they can squirm through any amount of space. So there you are at a turn, watching intently right and left before turning, very nervous, when a bike zooms past you. Now if you were moving, there would surely been an accident, and of course the person in the car is at fault. Before you recover  from the shock of the ‘almost accident’,  the cars behind you start blaring impatiently and you are forced to make a move quickly, or else bear the wrath of the angry Delhite. For a novice driver like me, the daily driving lesson is very scary, for I am in the constant fear of running over someone and it may not even be my fault! Nevertheless, each day I learn a new lesson, and vow to never become like the idiots I encounter daily on the roads...and if I ever see myself transforming into one, well... there come in the Ceat tyres to save me from the accidents!