When I was a teenager and would be faced with the terrifying prospect of thinking about and planning for the future, I would often say to my mother in desperation, "I wish I could sleep and wake up 5 years later, when everything will be sorted!"
Then, as I entered college, that feeling left. I was glad. I thought that all the uncertainty in my life was truly over, and that, I would thankfully never feel that way again.
Boy, how wrong was I.
True, the uncertainty was mostly over... but that lasted only until I graduated from college and until I turned 22. You see, it seems to me as if I attracted the 'tumultuous twenties.' I will explain why.
My first job - well it wasn't so much of a job as it was an internship - was one that I didn't like. I loved the fast-paced nature of it, but the job itself, I hated. So much so, that I remember crying one night wondering why had I ended up where I did.
So, naturally, I left. And moved into a think-tank. In the development sector, which I thought is my calling.
Well, no regrets there. Working in the development sector definitely makes me happy. Yet, a sense of void and uncertainty in my life remains. I have always wanted to be at the top of a career - any career. But surely, one can't start at the top?
Except that apparently, one can. But that's for the super hard workers, the overachievers. All things, which I believe that I am not.
Or am I? I really do not know. All I know is, that, I am not really happy. I want to work for something greater, something bigger. But I don't know if, that will ever happen?
I can only, hope. But for now, I have been increasingly feeling like my teenage self, wanting to sleep and wake up 5 years into the future, when everything will be stable in my life. Or is that just wishful thinking?
Then, as I entered college, that feeling left. I was glad. I thought that all the uncertainty in my life was truly over, and that, I would thankfully never feel that way again.
Boy, how wrong was I.
True, the uncertainty was mostly over... but that lasted only until I graduated from college and until I turned 22. You see, it seems to me as if I attracted the 'tumultuous twenties.' I will explain why.
My first job - well it wasn't so much of a job as it was an internship - was one that I didn't like. I loved the fast-paced nature of it, but the job itself, I hated. So much so, that I remember crying one night wondering why had I ended up where I did.
So, naturally, I left. And moved into a think-tank. In the development sector, which I thought is my calling.
Well, no regrets there. Working in the development sector definitely makes me happy. Yet, a sense of void and uncertainty in my life remains. I have always wanted to be at the top of a career - any career. But surely, one can't start at the top?
Except that apparently, one can. But that's for the super hard workers, the overachievers. All things, which I believe that I am not.
Or am I? I really do not know. All I know is, that, I am not really happy. I want to work for something greater, something bigger. But I don't know if, that will ever happen?
I can only, hope. But for now, I have been increasingly feeling like my teenage self, wanting to sleep and wake up 5 years into the future, when everything will be stable in my life. Or is that just wishful thinking?
Or if someone could let me just browse through the next few chapters, I might be prepared for them.
ReplyDeleteBut you'll still have to live through it :(
ReplyDeleteSomething greater, something bigger yet can't clearly define what that is! Ahh, i feel you :/
ReplyDelete